I'm depressed - I don't know if I can ever stay with it.

Well, it has gone the way it has always gone. I get burned out, I quit, I give up, the last contest couldn't even keep me from backsliding. I've spent the last few months putting the weight back on. I'm back up close to 400lbs again. My jeans are tight, and I'm uncomfortable. I've been watching NBC's Biggest Loser the last few weeks. It inspires me and depresses me at the same time. The thought of modifying my eating again, going back to the gym again, it all just seems so worthless. I'll just fail again. I don't want it to take 2 years to lose the weight, I want it all to be gone quickly. I know it doesn't work that way, but my motivation is lacking. I've got to do something, I can't keep going like this.

This may be tougher than I thought

Its tax season, so I've been busy trying to get my receipts and all together. So, I'm late in posting my weekly numbers. We went to our cabin for the easter weekend, and I was not a good boy at all when it came to eating. Yet, I still lost 3 lbs. Its hard to say how real that 3 lbs is, because I've weighed myself each of the last few days, and I've gone back up. It's a little discouraging. I did make it to the gym on Monday and this morning. So, thats good. Anyway here are the numbers for the week.

Current Body Weight: 374 lbs.
Current Body Fat: 38.3%

Total Body Weight Lost: 31 lbs
Total Body Fat% Lost: 1.8%

Not the stellar numbers of times gone by, but at least moving in the right direction this week. I got back to running this morning on the treadmill. I really let my training slip the last 3 weeks, and I could tell today. I could barely get a 1/4 mile before I had to go back to a walking pace. All in all, I think I only jogged maybe .45 miles, and walked about .7 miles. I seriously bonked. I guess it just shows that I need to stay at it consistently.

Time to Start Over

Well, we're starting another contest here at work. I hate to admit it, but these stupid things really get me going. I wish I was as successful by just motivating myself. But sadly, the last two weeks have shown that I will return back to old eating habits, and not going to the gym if given the opportunity. So, I'm back on the wagon now. I mean, its only a $20 buy-in, and history shows that I don't have the best luck at winning these things, but it still motivates me.
Well, anyway, I'm back to where I weighed in 3 weeks ago. Essentially, you can take the last 3 weeks and throw them out the window. Here are this weeks #'s

Current Weight: 377 lbs
Current Body Fat: 38.3%


I won't even put my deltas, its too depressing.

But as I said, its time to start over. Not to dwell on the past, but to look forward with faith and hope.

Slip Sliding Away.....

I like Paul Simon, but that little catchy tune is not what I want to be doing right now. So, mentally, I took the week off last week. That contest got over, and BAM!, I was right back to old eating habits and not working out. That new low of 368.5 lbs was a bit of an aberration, and I knew it. But my heck, to be back up by 6.5 lbs this week is not good. Ugh! I had it coming though, the way I was eating, and the lack of exercise was the recipe for a serious backslide.

So, here are my ugly numbers for the week: Ewwww

Current Body Weight: 375 lbs
Current Body Fat: 38.3%

Total Weight Lost: 30 lbs
Total Body Fat Lost: 1.8%

At least I went to the gym today, and my eating is back on track.

Ooooh so close!

I almost made it! I nearly won the contest and nearly hit my goal.

As you can see from my weekly numbers, I hit 36.5 lbs lost and 2.5% body fat. I am proud of my progress. I missed my goal of 41lbs and 3.0% body fat by just a little. All in all, I feel pretty good about what I've done in the last 8 weeks.

I took second place in the office contest. Dang! I would have won the thing, but we had a sleeper come out of the pack and he lost a ton of weight and body fat. There is some question, because he had shoulder surgery during the contest. His arm atrophied and his appetite went down. So, he clearly ran away with it. The score is determined by adding the percent weight lost to the percent body fat lost. Anyway, there was a pack of us right around 10-12 points in total. The winner was at 16. Just ran away with it. Oh well, I'm not in it for the $$. I'm in it because I'm now down 36.5 lbs!

I am going to start the contest again in 2 weeks. With the weather getting warmer, soccer starting, I have to figure out how to still work my workouts in and also get to soccer practice for my daughter, and oh yeah, still get in at least 8 hours a day at work. I've still got my 5k goal too.

Monday Weigh In

Current Body Weight: 368.5 lbs
Current Body Fat: 37.6%

Total Body Weight Lost: 36.5 lbs
Total Body Fat % Lost: 2.5%

Still Running

Though you could hardly call it 'running'. More like a slow jog. I upped my jog distance today to .3 miles at a time. Then walking .15 in between. The amount of time over 1 mile stays the same as last week. .7 miles jogged, and .3 walked. Felt pretty good today though. The weather is turning nice, and I need to take some time and get outside and actually try this on the local high school track and eventually the pavement (as you hear my feet and knees scream). The humorist in me thinks that the people watching me from behind on the treadmill must just be giggling to themselves.

Going nowhere fast

Well, this is how my declines would start. I'd have a week like last week, where I busted my butt at the gym, M-Th, ate really well, and the scale/bf% didn't budge a bit. I get frustrated, and I think "what the hell, I'm going to eat what I want". And thats kind of how last weekend went. I really didn't try to limit my calories Friday to Sunday, ate fast food, and didn't really enjoy it as much as I thought I would. The net result was 0 lbs lost, and 0.1% BF gained. It kind of bums me out, but I'm trying not to get discouraged. I was back at the gym today. We've got one more week of the contest left, and I'm still in contention. Turns out that nobody had a really good week, so I'm still solidly in second place. Catching the first place guy will be a trick though, I'll have to have a super good week.

I'm officially down 1 size in my pants. I put the 52's back up on the shelf and got down the 50's. They are a little snug, but they fit. My estimation is about 25-30 lbs per size. So, I don't think I 'll see my 48's until I hit the 345-350 range.

So, here's to a good week ahead. I can do this.

Monday Weigh In

Current Body Weight: 377 lbs
Current Body Fat: 38.4%

Total Weight Lost: 28 lbs.
Total Fat % Lost: 1.7%

Running Man II

Did the running training again today. Time was the same as Tuesday, about 14 1/2 minutes, but I did more jogging this time. Hmmm..... you say, why did you not improve your time if you did more jogging? Thats because I went slower on my jog pace.

It breaks down like this:

Jog @ 4.3 mph for .25 miles
Walk @ 3.5 mph for .15 miles
Jog @ 4.5 mph for .25 miles
Walk @ 3.5 for .15 miles
Jog @ 5.0 mph for .2 miles

So, total was jogging for .7 miles, and walking .3 miles. Like I said, I want to get it to where I can jog the whole mile, then work on improving my time.

Running Man

Good thing I don't have to run the 5K tomorrow. I don't know if I would make it. Well, I would make it, but I would walk a lot of it. I did my mile this morning in 14 minutes 25 seconds. The clip today was jog .15 miles, then walk .15 miles. At the end of it, I thought "no way I could do 3 times this distance." But thats why I have to work up to it. My goal for March is to be able to jog the entire 1 mile.

The weight loss wasn't as much as I'd hoped yesterday. But, I'm still somewhat optimistic that I can reach my weight loss goals for the contest. It ends in 2 short weeks.

Monday Weigh-In

Current Weight: 377 lbs.
Current Body Fat: 38.3%

Total Weight Lost: 28 lbs.
Total Body Fat Lost: 1.8%

Sometimes things just go your way

Work (both jobs) have just been killer this week. I had good intentions, like always, but the time clock goblin has gotten the best of me, and I have not been to the gym since Tuesday. Its tough when you work full time, and then own a side business as well. I think my kids are beginning to wonder who this strange man is in the house, that only shows up to sleep there. Ah, but I digress...

My eating has been pretty good this week. Not great, but ok. I did a midweek check-in this morning, and was pleasantly surprised to see that I was down 4lbs since my weigh-in on Monday. Wahoo! Now that is preliminary, and could change by next official weigh-in on Monday, but hey, at least its in the right direction. If I can just manage to eat right this weekend, I hope to maybe drop another 2 lbs and be back on track.

1 mile

One mile. That will be my training ground for the next month or so. In my quest to do a 5k this summer, I figure I'd better start with covering 1 mile first, then move on to 2 and 3 miles as I go. Ok, so when I walk at 3.5 miles an hour, I can cover a mile in a little over 17 minutes. As I've said before, I want to be able to jog and do it quicker. Today, I warmed up on the bike for 10 minutes, then I hopped on the treadmill. I set the program for 'distance' = 1 mile. It was then up to me to set the variable speed I would go at. In the end, it would tell me how long it took to cover that 1 mile. Watching my progress tick by in 1/100 mile increments, I decided I could jog at 4.5 mph for 0.1 miles at a time. So, I'd jog for 0.1 miles, and then walk for 0.1 miles. Back and forth. In the end I finished the mile in 15 minutes 10 seconds. Not bad for my first time trial. Hopefully, I can increase the amount of time I'm jogging, and get to the point where I can jog that whole mile. Gees, I have not done that since high school. It might kill me! :-)

Oh, and I need to stretch better before I begin. My hammies were a little tight when I was done.

Mind Games

I did not want to go to the gym today. I was tired, and I had done a bunch of 'cheat' eating over the weekend. I knew today's weigh in would not be stellar. To be honest, I didn't even think I was going to drop any weight, let alone 2.5 lbs. I guess some things are still going right for me.

The gym has got to be a habit for me. If I miss more than 1 day, my determination to go really starts to fade. The last time I went was last Wednesday. I was out of sync last night. I had to forcibly remember to get my gym bag ready for the next day, and I knew I had a lot going on today, so I didn't want to really go to the gym. But I went anyway. It was tough, but I got there. And I FELT GREAT! Its just getting there.

So, I'm a pound off my pace. 8 week contest, with a goal to lose 41 lbs, which means I need to lose about 5 lbs a week. That means I should be 25 lbs down this week, but I'm only 24 lbs. Oh well, I'm eating better today, maybe I can make up some ground this week.

Monday Weigh-In

Here are today's numbers:

Current Weight: 381 lbs.
Current Body Fat: 38.8%

Total Weight Lost: 24 lbs.
Total Body Fat Lost: 1.3%

Tired Today

Decided to skip the gym this morning. I've been working double shifts the past few days, plus working out really hard at the gym. That extra hour of sleep this morning really felt good. After a high calorie Fat Tuesday, I was good with my eating yesterday, kept it under 2500 calories. I know that 2500 sounds like a lot, but it seems to be working. I should be able to keep on track today too.
But this is how I roll. As long as the weight is coming off, I am very motivated to eat right and exercise. My biggest fear is when I hit a plateau. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Short Term Goals

I wish that I could keep up this rate of weight loss forever. I'd reach my ultimate goal in no time. For now I will take what I can get, but I do realize that it will slow down. Eventually, I will have to stop losing lean body mass and body fat, and pretty much stick to losing fat only.

I've been thinking about some near term goals.

1) Current weight loss contest at work. It is an 8 week contest. There are 13 participants, all at various levels of fitness. The winner of the contest is the person that loses the most weight by %, and the most body fat by %. Add those two numbers together, and the highest score wins. This means that, being the heaviest person in the contest, I have to lose more body weight just to keep up with the smaller folks (did I mention I'm 6' 4"?). OK, so I know its crazy, but I think I can drop 10% of my original 405 in just 8 weeks. Yes, that is a loss of 41 lbs! So, the goal is, on March 19th, Final weigh in, be at 364, and 37% body fat (which would be a 3.1% body fat loss).

2) I want to run a 5K. First let me state, I detest running/jogging. Walking is ok, but me and jogging have never gotten along. But, I can't help but notice, at the gym, and elsewhere, that serious runners are some of the most lean people in the world. I can't even jog a 1/4 mile right now with out getting my heart rate way into orbit, and my knees don't care for the pounding they take in this activity. So, I've got to give it some time, and work into it. Its only 3.1 miles. I want to be ready to go by July 4th. I'm hoping that I can be down to somewhere around 330 by that point. My local town does a little 5K early in the morning on the 4th of July. I plan to enter. Now I can walk a mile in about 18 minutes, which means I could walk the thing in an hour. But the point is to go faster. Initially, I'm thinking 45 minutes. I know, thats a snails pace, but may be a jog/walk thingy. We'll see. As I train with this as a goal, I can refine my goal as I go.

Visualize the best YOU you can be.

Monday weigh in - (on Tuesday)

Current Weight: 383.5 lbs
Current Body Fat: 39%

Total Weight Lost: 21.5 lbs
Total Body Fat Lost: 1.1%

Ultimate Goal

Here it is in writing. By June 1, 2008 I want to be 220 lbs, and 15% body fat.
My reward: A cruise with my wife. I've always wanted to go on one ~ now it is my motivation.
Hence the name of this BLOG: Going the Distance. I've got to lose 185 lbs and 25% body fat to reach this goal. I put it out there about 18 months because I know it will take a while. Its like a long, long journey ~ which starts with a few steps in the right direction. The weight is falling off right now, but soon it will be only 1-2 lbs per week, so time is needed.
I CAN DO IT!

Thoughts on a Friday

So, when I started this blog yesterday ~ I had a ton of things running through my mind to post about. I can talk about goals, training methods, diet, what I can eat, what I can't, thoughts on being fat - and how much I hate it, how busy life is, how I like going to the gym - but don't think I have the time.... yada yada yada.
I'll get to all that. It's Friday. I did go to the gym this morning - yeah for me! I feel really good right now. The scale made me feel even better. I will only be posting official weigh ins on Mondays (Tuesday next week due to President's day holiday). After this contest is over, I think I'll switch to Friday weigh ins. I like those better for some reason.
Methodology: What am I doing? I'm trying to follow the guidelines of one Mr. Tom Venuto. He has a best selling e-book called "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle". I bought this 2 years ago, and read some of it. I'm going through it again trying to better grasp what he is talking about. Its not that I'm stupid - just stubborn. He has a very no-nonsense approach to fitness and weight loss. His "no-bull" attitude, no pushing meals, supplements etc, really appeal to me. But trying to make permanent changes in my life, like eating healthy, in the right portions, doing the right amount of cardio and lifting, has proved to be difficult. BUT, I'm getting there. Things are making more sense to me ~ and thus I'm able to figure out how to dovetail them into my life.
See, I can just ramble.

Visualize the end result ~ the best YOU you can be!

What I kind of look like now....

This was taken a few years ago. January 2002 to be exact. Its about the same level of fitness I'm at right now.

Pictures like this say.....

It's really time to lose the weight.

This is where I begin.....

I really need to lose weight. I've been poking around the web and have seen others who have used a blog to chronicle their weight loss, and I thought I 'd do it too. Blogs still kind of freak me out. I still see them as some sort of exhibitionist activity ~ for all the world to see your private stuff. But, I guess its up to me to share what I want to share.
So, where to begin? I've been big and heavy most of my life. I've always had some 'pudge'. In high school, I was in pretty good shape, playing basketball and varsity football. Ever since college, and my first desk job, I've been slowly getting heavier. The last 5-6 years have been a real yo-yo, and I go up and down. I understand that the basics of losing weight consist of good nutrition and consistent exercise, not some magical pill. The problem has been that I do this for 1-3 months, then I hit a plateau, lose my motivation, and quit all together, and head back to McDonalds.
My weight would be chronicled like this:
1990: Begin college: 240 lbs
1993: Get married to the love of my life: 280
1994: Get internship~start life in the business world (used to be finish carpenter) 300
1996: Enter weight loss contest at work, beginning weight 349, after contest 319
1997-2002: Weight balloons up to 391
2002: Weight loss contest at work, drop down to 341 ~ 50lbs lost!
2003: Went back up to 357, then lost 25 lbs down to 332
2004: Yo-yo'd more, up to 362, down to 340
2005: Inspired by NBC's Biggest Loser ~ another contest at work. Starting at 371- end at 345.
2006: Took the year off from exercise and eating right. Gained 60lbs
Jan 2007: ENOUGH! tipping the scales at 405!

And thats where I am today. Well, not exactly. Yes, we started another contest here at work. I'm determined to not lose my motivation this time. We began the contest on Jan 22. We weigh in each Monday. Here is my progress so far:
Jan 22, 2007: 405 lbs 40.1% Body Fat
Jan 29, 2007: 399 lbs 39,9% BF
Feb 5, 2007: 387 lbs 39.8% BF (I was sick this week: lost fluids)
Feb 12, 2007: 390 lbs 39.6% BF (see, I went back up, regained my fluids)

And so it goes. I will be checking in weekly, at a minimum. I will try to post pictures of my progress. I will post my goals. I want to talk about my methods, what is working, and what is not. But for now, I think this is a good thing ~ it gives me some sort of public accountability and record to show what I have done.

~Matt