Ch ch ch changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

It's the chorus from the song by the same name by David Bowie. It's a subject that I've been thinking a bit about lately. Changes in life are difficult, and people generally don't like to change. I know I don't like to. Keep an even keel, and keep the ship on coarse, and all is well. Yet, we find things in our lives that we are not satisfied with, things that could be better, but they require the "c" word, change. Change is often likened to eating an elephant, a task so large, and so daunting that most don't even want to consider attempting it.
If you think about the elephant differently, a bunch of small meals instead of one large, large feast that would be impossible to finish in one sitting, the task seems more obtainable. And that addresses another issue, time. You see, change takes time, and we live in a society of of instant gratification. Change takes too long for most. So, true change takes time, long term focus and dedication. You have to view it that way. Small steps, over time, making a difference in the overall change.

Weight loss is a giant elephant for me. I ate most of him once over 9 months in 2008. I didn't eat all of him, but I ate 140 lbs of him. Trouble is, he came back. That elephant is really pesky, and I don't like him much, but I have to deal with him. If I want him to go away forever, I've got to quit doing the things that keep him coming around. He likes it when I eat fast food. He likes it when I don't work out very hard, or not at all. He likes it when I buy muffins at Costco, claiming they are for the family. That elephant really needs to go for good. He stinks, breaks stuff and I don't like having him around.

I guess I've just been thinking about the process this week. The motivation, the daily changes, the perspective, the ups, the downs. I feel like I'm in a good place right now in my journey. I'm feeling stronger all the time. My fitness level is getting better. I did an hour on the elliptical yesterday at a 150 bpm heart rate. Am I perfect? Not even close. I ate cheat food at least once a day for the past week. Eating right is a major deal for me. I know that I have to keep working on it. I know that I have to break down this elephant into smaller pieces. Why do I eat foods I shouldn't? I've got to break in down into smaller bites or battles, battles that I can win.

All that being said, I lost that 1 pound I gained last week, and a little more. I'm not perfect, but I keep going. This whole thing is a process, a journey. Keep the perspective, and keep up the effort.

Turn and face the strain....

Current Weight: 349 <> Down 2.5 lbs from last week. 41 lbs overall in 14 weeks.
Current Body Fat%: 37.5 <> Down 0.3 from last week. 4.2 overall in 14 weeks.

Today is a new day

I thought I'd post a picture of me. Why? Well, because you should have a record of where you have been. I want to be able to look back and see my progress. I didn't do this last time around, except for a few pics when I had lost a bunch of weight.

I HATE having my picture taken when I'm heavy. It makes me mad and depressed. BUT, I have to do this. It makes it real for me (as if it wasn't already). It is that visual reminder that I've got work to do.

Last week was a crossroads, and eventually, the right stuff won out. You see, typically, I hit 7-8 weeks into a weight loss effort, and I begin to fade. I quit eating right. I quit working out regularly. Slowly, it all begins to slip away. I was really freaking out (in my head) about this. "No, this can't be happening" I thought.

I had to get out of my funk. I had to find motivation.
- I spent a lot of time Thurs/Fri reading fitness and weight loss blogs.
- I signed up for Sparkpeople, so I could track my exercise and diet both online and on my phone. And it is working. Yesterday, I ate the exact number of calories I was supposed to.
- I watched episodes of Heavy (http://www.aetv.com/heavy/) - A&E's new show about weight loss. Great show, in some ways better than Biggest Loser. While some of those folks are heavier than I've ever been, I can still relate to what they are going through.

While at the A&E website, I entered a contest for a 10 day retreat to the spa at Hilton Head Island where the show is taped. For the contest I needed a photo.

So, I took a photo this morning. Yes, I'm at 362, but I won't be there for long.

Its a new day!

Getting inside my head

It's been strange 24 hours in there. This week has been difficult. Not bad, not good, but definitely a week to reflect on what I'm doing here.
You see, the week (between weigh ins) started off with a little 4 day vacation to St. George for my daughter's soccer tournament. I did so well on Friday, working out in the morning, eating well on the drive down, etc. Then Saturday came, and little snacks started to slip in, the carbs, the pancakes, the rolls and bread, the tortilla chips and salsa. Needless to say, we ate out a bit, and I chose to enjoy myself. Now I didn't go nuts. I didn't order dessert or anything, but I didn't stick to what I ought to be eating. And I didn't exercise. The weather was crummy, and the schedule didn't cooperate. So there. - But to make matters worse, I was out of my routine when I got home (waking up that is), so I didn't go to the gym on Tues. Then Tues night I had to stay up helping the teenager with homework, so I blew off the gym on Weds. Finally, Thursday I get back to the gym. Oh, and this morning too.

My eating SUCKED this week. I still eat far too few vegetables, I eat way too many processed foods. I'm filling up my car yesterday, and I just could not resist a chocolate cake donut. UGH! What the hell? I was in the gym 5 minutes before that. I need to start keeping a food journal.

Eating right and working out is a cyclical relationship for me. One fosters the other. When i am getting to the gym, I am more likely to eat right. When I eat right, it somehow makes getting to the gym easier. So, this is why the brain is up there at the top of the post. It's all psychological. The inspiration, the highs, the lows, the "I can's" and the "I can'ts". Mental, it really is mental.

What am I doing here? - The things that go through my head go something like this:

"I'm in this for the long haul"
"Don't get discouraged by low numbers"
"10 tortilla chips won't hurt me"
"If you would eat right, you'd have better numbers each week"
"If you would eat right, you would not feel yucky"
"You need to give the gym at least an hour a day"
"Do I really have to eat that much protein?"
"You need to go to bed by 10:30"
"Quit making excuses"
"You have to make choices that are permanent changes"
"Patience grasshopper, concentrate on making progress and being healthy"
"I want cereal for dinner"

And on and on it goes. It's a battle every day.

What do I know?
- I know that I don't want to be fat anymore.
- I know that my quality of life will improve as I become healthier.
- I know that I will live longer if I eat right and exercise.
- I know that change takes time and determination.

I know that I have to keep going.

I guess I could ramble more, but I won't. This is my blog, and my thoughts.

Despite of all of this, I did manage to lose 1 pound this week. Again, not by any means stellar, but still pointed in the right direction.

Numbers:
Weight: 1 lb down. 28 total in 8 weeks.
Body Fat% 0.3% lower. 3.6% overall.

Here's to staying with it!

Twice is not as nice

Here I stand at the head of the trail again, a very long path in front of me. I've been here before, I've been down this long and winding road a couple of times. I know it's twists and turns, I know it's highs and lows. I know it can be a killer, and yet it's a road I have to travel. The lazy man inside me does not want to go. The husband, father, and guy who would like to live a nice long life knows he must go.
The question is, why am I back here?




Why did I do this to myself?
Why did I choose to put the burden back on my frame? I thought I had left this 139 lb burden behind 2 years ago, and now it's back. Not all of it, but 129 lbs may as well be the whole thing.

It tells me a few things. One of which is: the things I did before were not lasting - or I didn't make a lasting commitment to them. Changes to diet and exercise almost have to be ingrained somehow. I don't know how right now, but I need to figure it out.

So, yep, here we go again. I can't say this time will be as fun as the last, but maybe I'm a little wiser this time, maybe I'll be able to make some lasting commitments this time. Maybe, just maybe I can lose those burdens forever.