Today is a new day

I thought I'd post a picture of me. Why? Well, because you should have a record of where you have been. I want to be able to look back and see my progress. I didn't do this last time around, except for a few pics when I had lost a bunch of weight.

I HATE having my picture taken when I'm heavy. It makes me mad and depressed. BUT, I have to do this. It makes it real for me (as if it wasn't already). It is that visual reminder that I've got work to do.

Last week was a crossroads, and eventually, the right stuff won out. You see, typically, I hit 7-8 weeks into a weight loss effort, and I begin to fade. I quit eating right. I quit working out regularly. Slowly, it all begins to slip away. I was really freaking out (in my head) about this. "No, this can't be happening" I thought.

I had to get out of my funk. I had to find motivation.
- I spent a lot of time Thurs/Fri reading fitness and weight loss blogs.
- I signed up for Sparkpeople, so I could track my exercise and diet both online and on my phone. And it is working. Yesterday, I ate the exact number of calories I was supposed to.
- I watched episodes of Heavy (http://www.aetv.com/heavy/) - A&E's new show about weight loss. Great show, in some ways better than Biggest Loser. While some of those folks are heavier than I've ever been, I can still relate to what they are going through.

While at the A&E website, I entered a contest for a 10 day retreat to the spa at Hilton Head Island where the show is taped. For the contest I needed a photo.

So, I took a photo this morning. Yes, I'm at 362, but I won't be there for long.

Its a new day!

Getting inside my head

It's been strange 24 hours in there. This week has been difficult. Not bad, not good, but definitely a week to reflect on what I'm doing here.
You see, the week (between weigh ins) started off with a little 4 day vacation to St. George for my daughter's soccer tournament. I did so well on Friday, working out in the morning, eating well on the drive down, etc. Then Saturday came, and little snacks started to slip in, the carbs, the pancakes, the rolls and bread, the tortilla chips and salsa. Needless to say, we ate out a bit, and I chose to enjoy myself. Now I didn't go nuts. I didn't order dessert or anything, but I didn't stick to what I ought to be eating. And I didn't exercise. The weather was crummy, and the schedule didn't cooperate. So there. - But to make matters worse, I was out of my routine when I got home (waking up that is), so I didn't go to the gym on Tues. Then Tues night I had to stay up helping the teenager with homework, so I blew off the gym on Weds. Finally, Thursday I get back to the gym. Oh, and this morning too.

My eating SUCKED this week. I still eat far too few vegetables, I eat way too many processed foods. I'm filling up my car yesterday, and I just could not resist a chocolate cake donut. UGH! What the hell? I was in the gym 5 minutes before that. I need to start keeping a food journal.

Eating right and working out is a cyclical relationship for me. One fosters the other. When i am getting to the gym, I am more likely to eat right. When I eat right, it somehow makes getting to the gym easier. So, this is why the brain is up there at the top of the post. It's all psychological. The inspiration, the highs, the lows, the "I can's" and the "I can'ts". Mental, it really is mental.

What am I doing here? - The things that go through my head go something like this:

"I'm in this for the long haul"
"Don't get discouraged by low numbers"
"10 tortilla chips won't hurt me"
"If you would eat right, you'd have better numbers each week"
"If you would eat right, you would not feel yucky"
"You need to give the gym at least an hour a day"
"Do I really have to eat that much protein?"
"You need to go to bed by 10:30"
"Quit making excuses"
"You have to make choices that are permanent changes"
"Patience grasshopper, concentrate on making progress and being healthy"
"I want cereal for dinner"

And on and on it goes. It's a battle every day.

What do I know?
- I know that I don't want to be fat anymore.
- I know that my quality of life will improve as I become healthier.
- I know that I will live longer if I eat right and exercise.
- I know that change takes time and determination.

I know that I have to keep going.

I guess I could ramble more, but I won't. This is my blog, and my thoughts.

Despite of all of this, I did manage to lose 1 pound this week. Again, not by any means stellar, but still pointed in the right direction.

Numbers:
Weight: 1 lb down. 28 total in 8 weeks.
Body Fat% 0.3% lower. 3.6% overall.

Here's to staying with it!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Ok, so that is a little over the top. It really wasn't that bad of a week, but it wasn't that great of one either.
The good: Good workouts, when I went. Ate relatively well, approximately 50% of the time.
The bad: Missed a couple of days at the gym. Had far too many cheat treats
The result: 1 pound lost this week. Body fat % dropped, which was good, but still, I'd like to see more than a 1 lb difference.

Carbs are evil. I know they hinder my progress, and I eat them anyway. I really need to stick to the greens and the leans. Like my new background? It's a bit busy, but it's a reminder to me of what I need to eat more of. More green, less brown.

Anyway, off for vacation this weekend. Will still try to workout. Going hiking. Should be fun.

Numbers:
Weight: 1 lb this week. 27 lbs overall in 7 weeks.
BF %: Down 0.4% this week. 3.3% down overall

Today's post is brought to you by the number 5

The scale, she is a fickle mistress. Yes, it's Friday and weigh in day. As you can tell by our sponsor, it was a really good day. 5 big ones this week! Yeah me! I think I'm finding my groove. Great workouts at the gym this week. Fairly good on the eating, although always room for improvement (I don't think a Hillshire Farm Cheddar Brat on a white bun counts as 'good eating' last night).

So, here are the no's.

Weight: 5 lbs this week. 26 lbs overall in 6 weeks.

Body Fat %: Up 0.1% (bummer, but still ok)

Last night I was running my son's b-ball practice, and actually got out there and played a little bit, running up and down the court with the boys, doing a little passing and moving around. Was it a pathetic effort by most standards? Yes. Did I feel better than when I did the same thing back in December? Totally! I'm very much looking forward to getting to the point where I'm doing this without hesitation, without fear of pulling something or tweaking something - as Nike says - so I can JUST DO IT.

Pants on the ground

I think last year, there was a mini sensation on American Idol with some crazy old black dude getting up and singing some song about 'pants on the ground'. Today is feeling a little like that. The pants are definitely looser today - thank heavens for belts.
I'm not looking at the scale each day. By happenstance, the scale at the gym has disappeared, and the one I weigh in on each week at home is in the basement, so not convenient. So, I just don' t weigh in each day, and save it for Fridays. Last week was a bit rude on Friday - only losing 1 lb. This week I hope will be better. But, I guess what I'm trying to get across is that with me not weighing in each day, I tend to focus on other indicators, such as the fit of clothing, the way my body feels, the amount of energy I have.
Don't get me wrong, the scale is still THE SCALE. It still says that I am WAY overweight. But, during the week, I can focus on doing my best with eating and working out at the gym, and not worry about some number.

A pound is a pound is a pound

Guess how much weight I lost this week?

Yes, 1 frigging pound.

Now, the man or woman who is within 10% of their goal weight might be satisfied with such a number, but I am not. Not in the least.
-I worked out hard this week. Tried to get in at least 45 min in each session. I even worked out twice last Friday. Yes, I took Sunday and Monday off, but 6 workouts in the week between weigh ins should be cutting it.
-I ate good. Did I cheat a little? Sure. But not bad. Not whole cheat meals. A bite here and there. Hmmmm.... Probably still need to tighten that up. I need to eat more often, and smaller meals, and more protein.
-My body fat % dropped. If I crank the numbers on this, it would mean that I gained 1.5 lbs of lean muscle, and dropped 2.5 lbs of fat. Net loss = 1 lb. But these days, I don't believe that number too much. You see, at the beginning of the year, my BF% was 41. At MD diet they use a foot impedance machine, so it is primarily measuring through your legs. At home I use an arm one. My one at home had been showing me drop from that 41%, but when I went back to MD diet last week, I was still at 41%, which pissed me off. My BF monitor at home gave me a reading of 38.8% this morning, down from 39.4% last week. Fact is, unless you do a dunk tank measurement, it's hard to know for sure what your true BF% is. All the BF scales in the world are just good guesses. So, why use the BF monitor? It gives me a gauge each week to see how I'm doing. Going up, or down.


In the end, I probably did gain muscle and lose fat this week. So, that is good. The frustration comes from looking back at my progress in 2008, and I was losing 4-5lbs / week at this point in the process. It could also be that the drugs are not as effective to me now as they once were.
Regardless of those things, I have to keep going. Like most things in life, I want this NOW, and I don't like waiting. Yet, I know that it is a process, and it takes time. It takes time to change habits. It takes time to get your body convinced that it should let go of the fat that it has.

I was thinking about it this morning in the shower.... I'm hoping it's like a dam, with a small crack in it. It lets out water ever so slowly at first, but the more water that continues to be let out, the more 'erosion' occurs, and the crack gets bigger, and then before you know it, the rate of water (fat) leaving increases. Maybe a rock comes along and gets stuck in the crack every now and then, and the flow slows a little (plateau). Eventually, the water works on that rock enough to make it move, or the dam material around the rock moves, allowing the blockage to go free. Yes, I want the floodgates to open now, and just be done with it, but that's now how it works - and I would kill all the people and things living down stream ( I have no idea what the correlates to). So, for now it's a bit of a dam problem. But, I will work my dam hardest to keep going. The dam will eventually break from the pressure of the water due to gravity. My own personal dam will eventually break, due to the pressure I place on it by consistently working out and eating right.

Was that long winded enough?

Lastly, stats..

This week
1 lb down, 21 total in 5 weeks
BF down 0.6% Down 2.2% in 5 weeks.