Capable of so much more....

These are words that I've always dreaded. Growing up, there were always reminders of the fact that I had all the gifts and tools to do great things, but I always seemed to fall short.
-I'm a smart dude, but I pulled very average grades.
-I am/was 6'4", and big and strong, but was a very mediocre HS athlete.
-I am a friendly person, and get along well with others, but I don't seem to be a great leader.
-I am a decent engineer with good creative intuition and instincts, but I'm not world class.
-I make decent money, but I live in a small house, and I'm not really getting ahead.

Potential vs. reality.

A lot of this has to do with work ethic. In some ways, I am a hard worker, but I know that I am very lazy too. I totally admire people that have a strong work ethic. They are the people that seem to succeed in life, they are the ones that set goals and achieve them, they are the ones who take every ounce of talent that they've been given, and couple it with hard work, sweat and determination to get the very most out of life. They give it their all, and are not afraid of failure. They don't just get by, they get ahead.

How does one change their work ethic? I don't think its by blogging about it. Is it God given, or is learned? Does it have to be taught or instilled by a parent, or can it be self taught as an adult. To be honest, I'm not totally sure. I don't even know if it can be changed. But, I am going to try and find out.

So, why this thought, this week. Well, cuz it was another mediocre week, a week that could have been so much more. Another week where I did lose weight, but I was not on my game, and my eating sucked, and the results could have been so much better. It is a balancing act. It's tax time. Lot's going on with kid's baseball and soccer. I've starting refereeing soccer. Work is busy and stressful. There's a lot going on. Yet, all of these factors didn't make me eat a blueberry muffin today. Some of them may have made me miss a workout or two. The thing is, I still see the whole situation as something that I can manage, its fixable. The major question is, if not now, when?

As I mentioned, I ref'd my first ever soccer matches this week. It was bad and good.
The bad: It was cold, windy, raining, sleet and a little bit of snow. The field was a a big patch of 3 inch deep mud, and wide pools of standing water. By the end, I couldn't tell that I had black shoes and socks on, because I as brown from the knee down.

The good: I think I did a good job. I only had a couple of calls questioned, and the games went well. And in the end, I had a coach tell me "it' nice to have a ref who knows what they are doing". I pride myself on knowing the game. I know that I have a ton to learn about ref'ing, but I'm excited to learn. I know, I'm a geek. The other part of the good is the fact that it gets me out there running around a bit. Extra movement and calorie burn is always a good thing. And it provides a bit of motivation too. My uniform is a bit snug, and I just don't want that. I also want to be able to move around a bit better on the field. I don't want to be the ref that the players complain about because he is always out of position to make the right call.


My head is still in a good place. I know I can do better. I'm working toward that.

Current Weight: 347 lbs. <> 2 lbs lost this week <> 43 lbs overall in 15 weeks.
Current BF%: 37.4 <> Down 0.1 this week. <> Down 4.3% in 15 weeks.

Ch ch ch changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

It's the chorus from the song by the same name by David Bowie. It's a subject that I've been thinking a bit about lately. Changes in life are difficult, and people generally don't like to change. I know I don't like to. Keep an even keel, and keep the ship on coarse, and all is well. Yet, we find things in our lives that we are not satisfied with, things that could be better, but they require the "c" word, change. Change is often likened to eating an elephant, a task so large, and so daunting that most don't even want to consider attempting it.
If you think about the elephant differently, a bunch of small meals instead of one large, large feast that would be impossible to finish in one sitting, the task seems more obtainable. And that addresses another issue, time. You see, change takes time, and we live in a society of of instant gratification. Change takes too long for most. So, true change takes time, long term focus and dedication. You have to view it that way. Small steps, over time, making a difference in the overall change.

Weight loss is a giant elephant for me. I ate most of him once over 9 months in 2008. I didn't eat all of him, but I ate 140 lbs of him. Trouble is, he came back. That elephant is really pesky, and I don't like him much, but I have to deal with him. If I want him to go away forever, I've got to quit doing the things that keep him coming around. He likes it when I eat fast food. He likes it when I don't work out very hard, or not at all. He likes it when I buy muffins at Costco, claiming they are for the family. That elephant really needs to go for good. He stinks, breaks stuff and I don't like having him around.

I guess I've just been thinking about the process this week. The motivation, the daily changes, the perspective, the ups, the downs. I feel like I'm in a good place right now in my journey. I'm feeling stronger all the time. My fitness level is getting better. I did an hour on the elliptical yesterday at a 150 bpm heart rate. Am I perfect? Not even close. I ate cheat food at least once a day for the past week. Eating right is a major deal for me. I know that I have to keep working on it. I know that I have to break down this elephant into smaller pieces. Why do I eat foods I shouldn't? I've got to break in down into smaller bites or battles, battles that I can win.

All that being said, I lost that 1 pound I gained last week, and a little more. I'm not perfect, but I keep going. This whole thing is a process, a journey. Keep the perspective, and keep up the effort.

Turn and face the strain....

Current Weight: 349 <> Down 2.5 lbs from last week. 41 lbs overall in 14 weeks.
Current Body Fat%: 37.5 <> Down 0.3 from last week. 4.2 overall in 14 weeks.

Stuff I learned this weekend

Me getting back after my 'run'

1) I am not near as in shape as I think I am. We went to our cabin in the mountains this weekend, and I thought I'd be a good boy and get my workout in on Saturday by doing a little jogging. If you follow the main road from the end of our driveway to a a dead end gate, it is exactly 1 mile. I thought I'd do an out and back. Now, this route, does have a few elevation changes. It about killed me. It was about 45 deg outside, w/ snow and slightly muddy roads. I did ok, but it took me 32 minutes to do those 2 miles. I was a little bummed about that. I've done that route quicker in the past. I was also pretty sore. The treadmill is very forgiving. Oh well, reality check.
2) Being frugal doesn't usually mean comfortable. I bought a pair of pants on Thursday that were 1 size below what I am wearing right now. My thought was, if I am going to lose weight, why not get a pair that I will grow (down) into. I fit into them, but the waist was tight. I went to a function Saturday night wearing them. Ugh! Most uncomfortable 2 hours of my entire weekend.
3) I set up my workout for April. Change is always a good thing.
4) Calories in vs calories out. This may deserve its own post later, but a conversation I had with my bro-in-law got me thinking about how this little cornerstone of the weight loss world may not be totally true - or at least may not be bound in good scientific theory.

Well, back at it for another week. Need to lose that pound I gained last week, and a few of his friends too.

No joke!

I hate April Fools Day. I'm just not a prankster, and I don't like deception, even if it is just for fun.

I wonder if my scale knows that it's April Fools Day? It must, cuz it said I gained 1 pound this week. I'm hating that, but it is what it is. I'm disappointed, but not depressed. It just makes me resolve to do better at watching what I eat, and giving more time and effort at the gym.
It's about the journey and the change, not 1 week's result.